Cabinet Furious that Kelly has a Brain and Conscience and is Trying to Consult Both

Cabinet colleagues of Ruth Kelly are furious that the Catholic minister has been given special permission to miss a key vote on the Government's Embryology Bill.

Miss Kelly, one of several prominent Catholics in Gordon Brown's Cabinet, has told whips she will be in Brussels on 14 July, the day that the vote will take place.

The Transport Secretary has infuriated colleagues and some in Number 10 by refusing to vote for a key part of the Government's legislative programme because of her religious beliefs.

The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill contains several measures that Catholics feel uncomfortable about.

Uncomfortable is not the word! Try, in a state of apoplectic horror and trepidation.

Church of England Seeks New Priests

The Church of England is to launch a national campaign at this weekend's General Synod to encourage more young people to consider training to become priests.

Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, will unveil the scheme which will target college-leavers with posters depicting young priests ministering in fashionable or exciting locations.

Are you young, male or female (we don't discriminate, because the Government says that is wrong!), disaffected by life and looking for meaning?

Well, why not think about becoming a priest with the Church of England? You'll fit right in here, because we don't have any meaning either.

Do you want to know the difference between right and wrong? Well, please join us, because we don't know the difference either and maybe you can help us!

Are you really confused by modern society, its lack of substance and artificiality? Well, don't be afraid, so are we! Society is as society is and who are we to tell society anything new? Why not just join us and blend in with it?

We all believe different things here in the Anglican Church, you see, so even if you have no beliefs whatsoever, about anything, don't worry, you'll fit in, because we're all just trying to get along and make up our own minds. Sure we fight pretty much constantly about minor issues like the fact that even though Christ choose 12 men to be His Apostles, we ordain women too. Oh and you may have heard of the little tiff about whether it is okay for a man to be a priest and marry another man and have sex with him as much as he likes. But we all just read the Bible and make up our minds for ourselves and that's what gets us through.

Its bewildering isn't it? There are so many different branches of the Christian faith, thanks to our founder who was a randy earthly king who wanted an heir. So which one will you choose?

Of course there is the Catholic Church, who say their founder was Jesus, the Son of God who gave St Peter and the Apostles the authority to teach all nations, but that's a bit scary isn't it? All that reverence and piety, all that Tradition, Holy Mystery and Absolute Truth. And all that forgiveness of sins! In the Church of England, you don't have to believe any of that. Just read the Bible and make up your own mind. That's what we tell all our priests and bishops and that is why the Church of England is where it is now.